(The Pastor Sings)
“Sunny Side of the Street”

(with cane & collapsible hat)

            How about the minister who called on a new family.    He said to a little girl who was there, “When is your birthday?”

            “Christmas,” she said.

            “Isn’t that interesting!  I don’t think I ever met anyone before whose birthday was on Christmas.”  (Alright, you have to think that thru!)
           
            Jimmy Carter’s mother Lillian said, “Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself, ‘Lillian, you should have remained a virgin.’”  My guess is that she said that before her son became our President!

            Eleanor Roosevelt once said, “I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered.  But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalog: ‘No good in a bed, but fine against a wall.’”

            George Burns gave this advice, to which Shirley surely says Amen, “The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible.”

            Socrates was a philosopher, who said, “By all means, marry.  If you get a good wife, you’ll become happy; if  you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.”
            We all liked Bob Hope.  I can agree with him when he said, “I don’t feel old.  I don’t feel much of anything until about noon.  Then it’s time for my nap.”

            Will Rogers said, We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.”

            Winston Churchill said, “Don’t worry about avoiding temptation . . . as you grow older, it will avoid you.” 

            A friend sent me an e-mail, “I know you are a vegetarian and a liberal, so I won’t try to sell you, but I’m starting a chicken franchise — I’m going to sell only right wings!”
           
            Three churches in the neighborhood have had trouble with squirrela in the belfry.  The elders in the first church met and discussed the problem, but are they to interfere with God’s will.  He obviously predestined them to be there.

            At the second church the elder felt sorry for the poor little creatures.  They didn’t want to hurt them, so they trapped them and releases them 10 miles away.  In three days they were back!

            The third board of elders baptized the squirrels and registered them as members of the congregation.  They haven’t seen them since, except on Christmas eve and Easter morning.
            A minister was approached by the president of his congregation.  “Pastor, there are some in the congregation who don’t care much for you.”

            “I don’t believe it.”

            So the president called the board of elders — 12 of them sat around the table.  The president explained the reason for their gathering, gave each a piece of paper to vote for or against the pastor; then collected them.  ‘Well, Pastor, you lose.  It’s 11 to 1 against you.”

            “I don’t care how you vote.  I’m on God’s side and God is on my side.”  Just then lightning struck — all 12 elders were knocked to the floor.  The pastor stood unhurt.

            The president picked himself up, brushed himself off and said, “Alright, so it’s 11 to 2.  It’s still a majority!”

            Preachers sometimes visit members in their homes.  One preacher visited a nice old lady and while they chatted he reached over and took a few peanuts from a bowl.  Then some more,  Then some more.  As he was leaving, he said, “O my, I’m afraid I ate all your peanuts.”  

            “That’s alright,” she said, “since I lost my teeth I just suck the chocolate off of them!”

            Joanne Bowman is, among other things, a librarian.

            What do you get when you cross a librarian with a lawyer?  All the information you want, but you can’t understand it!
            Here’s a story to which I can relate.  A 4-year old boy was asked to say the blessing before dinner.  He began by thanking God for Mommy, Daddy, brother, sister, Grandma and Grandpa.  Then he began thanking God for the food — salad, dressing, pie . . .

            He paused, and everyone waited, and waited, and waited . . .

            Finally the little fellow looked up at his mother and said, “If I thank God for the broccoli, won’t he know I’m lying?”

            I went to see a lady one day.  I knew there was someone home, because I could hear noise coming from inside, but no one came to the door.  So I left my card, and wrote on the back of it, Revelation 3:20.  The following Sunday’s offering included that card, on which she had added, Genesis 3:10.

            In case you don’t remember, Revelation 3:20 says, “Look!  Here I stand at the door and knock.  If you hear me and open the door, I will come in, and we will share a meal as friends.”

            Genesis 3:10 says, “I heard you, so I hid.  I was afraid because I was naked.”

            My minister friend says he likes the ministry.  “That’s all I ever wanted — an honest week’s pay for an honest day’s work!”

            And my engineer friend says, “I envy you preachers — work one day a week!”
           
A minister awoke one Sunday morning and saw what a beautiful day it was.  He looked at his gold clubs.  He called his associate, said he didn’t feel well and asked the associate to take over.

            His guardian angel said to God, “He’s lying and shirking his duties.  He should be punished.”  God promised to keep an eye on the situation.

            The minister hit a hole in one.  As he danced around, celebrating his good luck (or maybe I should say a good drive), his guardian angel said to God, “Some punishment that is!”  And God replied, “Well, who’s he going to tell?”

            When I heard John scolding someone the other day I reminded him that you catch mor flies with honey than with vinegar.  He said, “Who wants flies?”

            Gerald was walking down Cass Avenue one day.  A panhandler approached him, “Mister, can you spare a dollar?”

            Gerald said, “If I give you a dollar, are you going to spend it on liquor?”

            “No way,” said the bum.

            “If I give you a dollar, are you going to gamble with it?”

            “No way,” said the bum.

            Gerald said, “Do you mind coming home with me to meet my wife?  I want her to see what happens to a man who doesn’t drink or gamble!”
           
You may have noticed that Marvin von Gerichten walked out during the sermon awhile back.  After the service, Eda said, “Felix, I hope you were not offended when Marv walked out during your sermon.  It’s not really a reflection on your preaching.  He has been walking in his sleep ever since he was a child!”

J

            A man from Topeka, Kansas, city of my birth, decided to write a book about churches around the country.  He began visiting churches in California and worked his way East.                                     
           
            In the first church he visited, he saw a gold telephone, and a sign under it, “One million dollars a minute.”  Surprised, he asked the minister about it.

            “That is a direct line to heaven.  For a million dollars you can talk to God.”

            He went on to visit churches in Washington, Idaho, Montana, Wyoming, Colorado, Texas . . . He was amazed that he saw gold telephones in nearly every church, always with the same sign.  And all the ministers gave him the same explanation.

            When he got to Michigan he visited a church, and saw the same gold telephone.  But the sign said, “Calls: 35 cents.”  He told the minister about the other phones he had seen.  Why the difference?

            The minister smiled and said, “Son, you’re in Michigan.  In Michigan, Heaven is a local call!”

            So it is.  We don’t have a gold telephone, but you can call and talk to God in prayer, any time.  No charge!

            Madeleine L’Engle wrote: “If we are sure of our God, we are free to laugh at ourselves . . . It’s all part of what keeps us in proportion; we can best take ourselves seriously if we are free to laugh and to enjoy the laughter of God and his angels.”

            To which Flannery O’Connor adds, “Only if we are secure in our beliefs can we see the comical side of the universe.”

            So much for the “fun” . . . now we come to the “mental” part of our worship.  Jesus, as you know, was always popular with the down-&-outers, publicans and sinners.  I hope we agree that he was a happy person, a cheerful man, one who was fun to be with.   Yet Jesus was serious, very serious about his ministry. 

            Because of the serious nature of life, of society, of the world, Jesus was a sober, conscientious rabbi who took his ministry every bit as seriously as the prophets of old.  Perhaps the first characteristic — joy and happiness — is why he was always at odds with the religious establishment; the second characteristic — the born-again  mandate — is why there were so few who showed up at the crucifixion.

            As Christ’s ambassadors, we must reflect his cheerfulness, his happiness, his joy, but we must also reflect his love and compassion for a worn and weary world.

            There is no way I can be a Christian except that I perpetually live with tears in my eyes . . . and a smile on my face.  There is so much tragedy, so much pain, so much violence, so much injustice in this world that anyone with the sensitivity of Jesus is moved to tears.

            And there is so much beauty, so much fun, so much love in this world that anyone with the sensitivity of Jesus is moved to exuberant laughter.

            It is with the mind that we see the beauty.  It is with the mind that we know how much fun we had here last night.  It is with the mind that we share our love.

            The mind is more than those 10 billion nerve cells that make up the bumpy knot of gray matter inside your skull, which we call a brain.  That elusive and mysterious organ with which you make decisions and plans and form ideas and ideals, is a composite whole of the neurology and psychology which is basically you.   

            Your body is what is sitting on the pew.  Your brain is in the top part of your body.  Your mind may be “miles away”!  Your emotions can separate you from your mind.  You may be literally “out of your mind” even as your brain is exactly where it has always been!

            Your mind controls your body.  Paul doesn’t care for the plants every Sunday morning with his hands.  It just looks that way.  He carries the pail and pours the water more with his mind, which tells his hands what to do.  Wilma doesn’t play the organ with her fingers.  It just looks that way!  Her fingers carry out the orders from her mind!
            We may need a “mind transplant” to fulfill our mandate to be happy Christians, lights in a dark world.  “Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 2:5)

            You can’t perform that transplant on your own.  You need to “let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think” (Romans 12:2)  A mind transplant!

            To have the mind of Jesus Christ transplanted into our brains is what Paul calls being transformed.  The process of transformation, or transplantation, may not happen just the way we would plan it.

            BUT . . . and here is the vital point, God does not manipulate us like pawns on a chessboard.  For any transplant surgery, the patient has to give permission.  We need to “let God transform” us by giving permission.  God demands both our permission and our cooperation. 

            If God were to change us without our permission, participation and cooperation, we would simply be robots.  And we’re not robots.  Consider again that wonderful Psalm 8: “When I look at the night sky and see the work of your fingers — the moon and the stars you have set in place — what are mortals that you should think of us, mere humans that you should care for us?  For you made us only a little lower than God, and you crowned us with glory and honor.”

            John Homer Miller tells about a lady who lived unhappily in a New York apartment.  The people in the apartment above her were too noisy.  She arranged to move into a different apartment.
            Anticipating her new home, she didn’t seem to notice the old annoyances.  Her mind was already in the new apartment.  When it was time to move, she looked at her apartment, saw the advantages, tho’t again, decided she would stay where she was.  Someone asked why she hadn’t moved, and she said, “As I looked at what I have, and considered the move, I decided I didn’t need a new apartment; I just needed a new mindset.”

            I hope within the next few weeks to preach a sermon, or maybe a series, on “The Bible and the Bible Only.”  I will ask you, again, to take the Bible very seriously, to read the Bible with your mind, your open mind!  God is still speaking, asking us to wrestle with Biblical questions. 

            Of course God knows the answers to all our questions.  But God gave us each a mind, a free will, and God asks us to use our minds in reading his word.  We will find answers, answers always open to change, by the way.  Because we are finite, our answers are tentative.

            The ability to think, to reason, to rationalize, is how we are created in the image of God.  The more we develop our minds, the closer we reflect the image of God.

            Jesus told his disciples, “When the Spirit of truth comes, he will guide you into all truth.”  It is ultimate arrogance to cling to what we believe, “what we have always believed,” denying the Holy Spirit his teaching ministry. 

            The Bible is not a novel, but a textbook in which we learn truth.  Truth!
            Truth, does not change, of course, but our comprehension, our understanding of truth must change.  That’s why we have Bible study every Wednesday night.  That’s why we send our children to school.  That’s why we read, study, pray, learn, grow, all of which demand change!

            One of the most brilliant theologians of our time is Karen Armstrong.  She entered a convent, where she was told what to do, how to think.  She was not allowed to question anything.  The convent sent her to Oxford to become a teacher.  There she was taught to think, ask questions, consider alternatives. 

            She became a “doubter,” then an unbeliever, but then she again became a believer, and a scholar.  She has written several books, including “A History of God.” 

            The exciting thing is that she became a scholar and a true believer when she was motivated to think.  Her percepts and concepts changed radically.  I don’t know whether she is still a Roman Catholic, but I can tell you God speaks thru that woman.  She is a good example of why I am determined to be open to change, and why I urge you to be open to change, to learn from the Holy Spirit.

            We accept doubters at St. Paul’s.  Whether you doubt that membership is important, or that St. Paul’s is the best church to join, or whether you doubt United Church of Christ doctrines . . . the fact is: “No matter who you are or where you are on life’s journey, you are welcome here.”  Period!
 
            You are important here.  You are loved and appreciated here. 
            We — both the United Church of Christ and St. Paul’s as a congregation — are inclusive, not exclusive. 

            We are God’s chosen people.  But so are the Lutherans and the Catholics and the Pentecostals and the Baptists . . . And so was Karen Armstrong when she was a nun . . . and when she was an atheist.  And when she was finally, fully converted! 

            And so is my Muslim brother and my Ba’hai sister and my Jewish friend.  They all belong to God.  They may not perceive God just the way I do, but some of you don’t, either!

            Dear saints, I pray earnestly to somehow help you find happiness and joy in commitment to Jesus Christ.  My Dad took his preaching so seriously that he was offended when anyone laughed during a sermon, yet he told me often to remember the 11th Commandment: “Thou shalt not take thyself too damned seriously.”  (That made an impact on my life, partly because my Dad never used profanity!)

            I hope and pray that today you have been inspired to laugh more . . . and pray more . . . and study more . . . and work more . . . and love more.

            Let us now sit quietly, and think about these things as we meditate and pray. 
(Organ background)

            God is still speaking, asking us to make a difference in the world.  May the Holy Spirit even at this moment fill us in our hearts and minds with joy.